Friday, February 17, 2006


Ok I am so ready for this deployment to be over! Of course no matter how much I complain & cry I have no say so in it. I have good days & bad & then really bad. I have been doing pretty good until the other day someone asked me about a tattoo Matt got before he left. I didn't think much about it & described it to them best I could. Later I was thinking & I can't remember what it looks like. I lost it. I thought oh my god I am forgetting what he looks like! Of course I'm really not but little things like that I am forgetting. Last night after the kids went to sleep & I was cleaning a little. I was putting some clothes of mine away & came across a shirt I bought for Matt he had been looking for all summer. When I saw it I grabbed it jumped up & for second looked around to show him. I tried to laugh it off & call myself crazy but the laughing led to a good three hour cry. I am torn. On one hand I am so very very proud of him & honored that he is literally protecting my freedom but it doesn't change I WANT HIM HERE! I realize I can't be selfish. I tell the kids when they are down that daddy is such a great person we have to share him a little so the world can be as happy as he makes us. Maybe I should listen to myself a little more. It is so complicated & yet so simple. Some things in life are worth fighting for & our freedom is one of them. I am happy to share my soldier with the world so that maybe everyone can be as happy as we are but you gotta give him back!