Ok I am so ready for this deployment to be over! Of course no matter how much I complain & cry I have no say so in it. I have good days & bad & then really bad. I have been doing pretty good until the other day someone asked me about a tattoo Matt got before he left. I didn't think much about it & described it to them best I could. Later I was thinking & I can't remember what it looks like. I lost it. I thought oh my god I am forgetting what he looks like! Of course I'm really not but little things like that I am forgetting. Last night after the kids went to sleep & I was cleaning a little. I was putting some clothes of mine away & came across a shirt I bought for Matt he had been looking for all summer. When I saw it I grabbed it jumped up & for second looked around to show him. I tried to laugh it off & call myself crazy but the laughing led to a good three hour cry. I am torn. On one hand I am so very very proud of him & honored that he is literally protecting my freedom but it doesn't change I WANT HIM HERE! I realize I can't be selfish. I tell the kids when they are down that daddy is such a great person we have to share him a little so the world can be as happy as he makes us. Maybe I should listen to myself a little more. It is so complicated & yet so simple. Some things in life are worth fighting for & our freedom is one of them. I am happy to share my soldier with the world so that maybe everyone can be as happy as we are but you gotta give him back!
Friday, February 17, 2006
Posted by Courtney at 8:08 AM